The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
