I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
