The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
