I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
