just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
