i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
