You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
