i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize