Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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