I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
