Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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