Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize