How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
