The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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