hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
