She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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