just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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