R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
