I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
