I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
