I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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