I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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