wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
