Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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