I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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