Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
