mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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