He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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