my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
