so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
