Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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