just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
