i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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