i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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