I hate your face
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
