If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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