I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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