Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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