OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
