tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He better not be in your backpack
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
