Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
