Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
