My friends, they love my intelligence
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
whose ass print is on the piano?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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