So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
