I need help removing her.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
