That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
