Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
