the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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