I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
