if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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