help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
