I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
