I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
