She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
