I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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