All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
