It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
