I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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