I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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