Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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