You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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