the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
