U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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