Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
