I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
