So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
