May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
