Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
