I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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