Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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